LEBRON & SHAQ

You might not have heard - THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS TRADED FOR SHAQUILLE O'NEAL. They gave up Ben Wallace, Sasha Pavlovic, $500,000 and a second round pick.

Is this the greatest thing ever?

Or, is Shaq too worn out to make a positive impact?

I don't know.

I think this is the kind of piece that LeBron's needed his whole career to really be effective. He's never played with a true low post player - a big big. Shaq is who you create in NBA Live when you want to dominate everyone.

Now, outside shots will be easier for LeBron. He'll have easy dumps to Shaq in the post. Finally, when a high screen is set, it will be set with an actual stable body, not a drifting Z.

Everything tells me that the Cavs will roll through teams, beating them on the inside, outside and everything in between. In the Playoffs, they'll have a low post man that punishes teams on offense and defense.

What do you think?

The Guitar

There's a new documentary coming out called IT MIGHT GET LOUD starring The Edge (U2), Jimmy Page (Led Zeppelin, The Yardbirds) and Jack White (The White Stripes, The Raconteurs). It's all about the guitar.

The trailer starts off with Jack White standing by a worn, splintered house deck. He drills a thin, two-foot-long piece of wood into the deck, and the preview continues...

The guitar. Is it the single greatest material item ever? Is there anything more powerful? More magical?

The Edge, Jimmy Page and Jack White all meet at a warehouse studio to jam. I'm sold. These are three of the best guitarists, three of the most unique sounds in the history of music, from three different generations.

Documentaries don't hit as hard in theaters as narrative films, but IT MIGHT GET LOUD looks like it could be one of the best movies of the year.

Jack White situates an empty, glass coke bottle to one end of the wood strip, then a pick-up. He pulls strings over the bottle and secures the to the end of the wood. A short stack of amps sits nearby, which he rigs to his new invention.

It's a makeshift slide guitar. And, he cranks out a jam on it. He stands back, pops a rolled, brown cigarette into his mouth and says, "Who needs to buy a guitar?"

Rock musicians... guitarists are a different beast. They're the warriors of our day - the nickname of the guitar is "axe" - who shred for us and slay audiences.

There's nothing cooler. If you're great on the guitar, that's it. You're at the top of the world.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony/itmightgetloud/

Crazy Or Stupid

It's your pick.

I've come up with a way to categorize every single human being into one of two nice little piles. You're either crazy or you're stupid, and that's that. The Dalai Lama and Forrest Gump are the only exceptions.

Obviously, there are nuances to each of these categories, but, essentially, you're one or the other. And, sometimes you're both (drug addicts).

I'll keep this short and simplify (for you stupid people out there). So, we'll take a look at what people can consider the opposites of these categories.

The opposite of stupid is... SMART. You guessed it (well, the stupid people didn't). But, if you're smart, the stupid people will drive you.... CRAZY. They have to. If you are truly smart, you realize that stupidity isn't good, and you're constantly reminded of this everyday when going about your daily routines. After years and years of this conditioning, it pushes you over the edge and you lose your mind. If you don't, you're too stupid.

The opposite of crazy is... SANE. Again, congrats. Good guess. If you're sane, that means you're not out killing people; you're doing what most people do, which is trying to live a nice, normal life... in the suburbs. But, you have to be so stupid to actually like this boring, complacent life. Or, you're so crazy that you hate it and do it anyway. Either way, we're back to the two categories.

I wish that I were stupid, because ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, I'm smart, therefore I'm crazy... which is why I'm in constant search of drugs. Eventually, I'll be a drug addict.

And then I'll be BOTH.

Livin' In The Suburbs (Is Kinda Like Takin' Mushrooms)

Livin' in the suburbs
Is kinda like takin' mushrooms
You just wanna blow your...
Head off.

I got a... townhouse.
I got a... nine to five.
I got two and a half kids.
And I wonder if I will make it out alive.
'Cuz...

Livin' in the suburbs
Is kinda like takin' mushrooms
You just wanna blow your...
Head off.

I'm bored... every single day.
So, I've decided... to drink it all away.
Heavy drugs... will make it all okay.
Even if I'm a closet gay.
'Cuz...

Livin' in the suburbs
Is kinda like takin' mushrooms
You just wanna blow your...
Head off.

It's the same week, over and over.
Wake up and watch life pass me by.
It's the suburban blues that I feel.
It's enough to make me break down and cry.
'Cuz...

Livin' in the suburbs
Is kinda like takin' mushrooms
You just wanna blow your...
Head off.

No more minivans!
No more Taco Bell!
No more soccer moms!
No more life of hell!
'Cuz...

Livin' in the suburbs
Is kinda like takin' mushrooms
You just wanna blow your...
Head off.

This is one of my newest songs. I wrote it because I live in the suburbs and I'm really fucking bored. I like a fast paced, crazy life that brings me the unexpected. I don't like passing the same roadkill everyday, that I've started to give names to.

I have A LOT of hobbies. But, it still doesn't take away the fact that people in the suburbs drive 5 miles per hour UNDER the speed limit. Wait... that's until you try to pass them (which is the most exciting part of their day, I suppose). Then, they'll jam on the gas and make sure that you can't pass them. It's a competition thing. I get it. You have a small penis and you're trying to make up for it. Okay. Big deal. I drive a Hybrid you douche bag.

I just need more action. And diversity. All white people in the suburbs look the same... and I'm white. I like seeing all different colors, cultures and races. It reminds me that I'm part of a bigger world, that we all have stories that landed us in a certain town or city, and that's exciting. I don't like seeing the same middle-aged asshole with his Palin sticker still on his Jeep Grand Cherokee. It's over. She lost.

My sights are set on downtown again. I gotta get down there soon. I'm going stir crazy (which is actually the name of a noodle restaurant... in the suburbs). I need to be around bums and vagrants, hookers and pimps, street hustlers and city cops, students and artists, my type of people. I need the fear. I need a challenge. I don't need to be living next to eight different families with kids named Jacob and Madison.

Just Stop

Why do these supposed pandemics cause so much fear and anxiousness?

The Swine Flu (renamed H1N1) caused Americans, nay, the world to panic like monkeys at the zoo. Vacationers to Mexico were wearing masks at the beach. Schools were closing down left and right. Extra hand washing took place. And, people stopped letting their dogs lick their faces.

This story has left the news, all accept the occasional death that happens from the Swine Flu... always in conjunction with other serious medical conditions like heart disease. And, this is exactly why I'm writing about it now.

People are idiots. Stop worrying about shit that isn't there. Stop worrying about stuff that IS, in fact, there, but will never reach YOU. Stop worrying!

Stop pissing and moaning. Stop yelling. Stop honking. Stop scowling. Stop it. Now!

Take a break, smoke a joint and relax. Because it just doesn't matter.

- Dr. Brian Wright (drugstore psychologist - cost $0)

White Lies For Dark Times, Part III (Post-Show)

Ben Harper and Relentless7 nearly brought the house down.

Except for the guy who kept on screaming "Voodoo Chile" and "Burn One Down," the show couldn't have gone any better.

I don't want to write a review form post today. I just simply want to share that if you're not a fan of Ben Harper already, then fine. You're missing out on the best new music out there. There's a reason why I get to stand two feet away from the stage at every show. He's not mainstream. No complaints here.

At the end of the two-hour show, while finishing the second encore, with "Serve Your Soul" capping the night's performance, Ben Harper let his steel just rock back and forth on top of his Asher lap steel guitar. That rocking of the steel was the best outro to any concert I've ever seen, leaving a lasting imprint of brilliance and total recognition that he's playing a show for him and us.

It's these rock moments that separate Ben Harper from the rest of the modern pack. I've seen him sing a cappella and without the mic on "Where Could I Go." I've seen him play a three and a half hour set at The Music Box in Hollywood. And, now I've seen Relentless7 welcome us into the club in the most rock way possible.

By the way, my favorite R7 song right now is "Spanish Red Wine." This is what I said about the song when I first listened to it, before the show:

"'Spanish Red Wine' is a soundtrack song. It's mood music... right now. It'll sneak up on me and end up being one of my favs. Very needed on an album like this for balance and pace."

Well, it's my favorite, by far. And, I love the rest of the songs. This song just went from 'balance and pace' to the best... and it's all because of the live performance.

So good... So good.

White Lies For Dark Times, Part II (Pre-Show)

It's been a little over a week since Ben Harper and Relentless7's debut album WHITE LIES FOR DARK TIMES hit the record shelves. This means I've listened to the CD around 30 times through, all in preparation for the May 16th Chicago show.

Music always changes the more you hear it. After the show, I'm sure I'll have new favorite songs and reasons to like others. In the last week or so, the music of Ben Harper and Relentless7 has graduated.

First of all, I'm biased. Ben Harper can pretty much put out any album with any 11 songs and I'll be a fan. But, I'm always critical because I have the greatest of expectations. WHITE LIES FOR DARK TIMES exceeded all of mine.

I call Ben Harper an artist because he keeps on improving and challenging himself. It would have been easy to stick with the Innocent Criminals (whose music I adore) and sell out mid-size venues. Part of me misses the ICs, but the wiser part of me appreciates the new music.

Like I said before, WHITE LIES FOR DARK TIMES is a rock album. And, it's good rock. It's not Daughtry. It's not Green Day. It's true rock 'n' roll, with attitude, conviction, a message and social and political overtones. It's the best rock album in the last five years.

Ben Harper's last album LIFELINE was his best album (before this one)... not necessarily the best single songs. But, as a whole, the songs blended together to make a listening experience. It's difficult not to listen to the entire album. WHITE LIES FOR DARK TIMES picked up where that album left off.

It's an experience. A rock experience. Ben Harper has always had this running theme of contradiction. He's black AND white... which makes him neither and both. He has songs called "Glory & Consequence" and "Pleasure and Pain," and he's had lyrics that reflect this contradiction, too.

In "Diamonds on the Inside," he sings "I knew a girl, her name was Truth, she was a horrible liar..." His songs are filled with these (intentional?) contradictions, much like life is. Much like BOTH SIDES OF THE GUN, WHITE LIES FOR DARK TIMES is another album title example of this.

This is his thesis and his alone. He owns this view on life and art, on work and music. No one that I know of does it, so no one does it better. Like I said, the whole album is brilliant, but here are the standouts to me right now:

#1) "Number With No Name" - "The very thing that drives you can drive you insane..." is a lyric in the chorus. This song is just a head-bobbing, killer song that has a great lap steel solo (best viewed/listened to live). The drums are hard and heavy on this one, too. It's a great way to start an album and a concert... even though I read that they are starting shows with a cover of Led Zepplin's "Good Times Bad Times." Does it get any better than this?

#4) "Lay There And Hate Me" - "Never trust a woman who loves the blues..." I won't Mr. Harper. This song is so funky and great. It's one of those songs like "Black Betty" where you feel like you're in a cool 70s movie or you're dealing mass quantities of drugs (like Johnny Depp in BLOW).

#7) "Fly One Time" - I want to be inspired. That's why I watch new movies (and old favorites) and listen to music. I want to find a piece of art from someone that acts as a bridge... something that shows me a sign that I'm not alone... that I'm not crazy... that there are people out there that have similar thoughts and feelings as I do... positive, strong, loving. This song is that. It's more than music. It's more than an anthem. This song was chosen on the Michael J. Fox ABC special last week about optimism. But, it's more than even that. It's truly flies.

I picked out these three songs because they are special in a next-level way. The others are fantastic and the album is dynamite, but these, right now, are songs I can hear and be transported by.

Two days to the big show at the Vic in Chi-Town. Next Thursday, I'll be back with the final WHITE LIES FOR DARK TIMES entry. This will be when the show has already sunk in. Whew...