In honor of Thanksgiving...
Space scientists will, every once in a while, send a radio signal out into the vastness of space, hoping that an alien life form will pick up the transmission, travel millions of light years to come visit us, and we can then shove tubes down his throat and up his ass and take skin samples like they do to us when we're abducted. Sometimes they'll choose a Beatles song - something that's totally recognizable. Because, let's face it, EVERYONE knows the Beatles. I wonder if E.T. ever receives this song and is singing along to "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and then actually walks over to his/her alien love interest and actually holds his/her alien hand, or paw or whatever aliens have...
Well, in researching this NASA experiment, I starting wondering about what movies we'd send out to far, far away. So, I came up with a list. What American movies would we send in a space capsule from each decade starting with the 1970s? These movies would have to define us, our most important movies, but, we could only choose two per decade. Two! I know some of you think that's insane, that I'm out of my mind (you might've thought that before, too, but...), that there's no way to just pick two. But, that's the rules. Sorry. Two.
More ground rules. These aren't necessarily the most Oscar winners, or the biggest box office smashes, although artistic integrity and commercial success does, naturally, weigh into the decision. These films were chosen because they not only represent us as Americans, but they're movies that inspire, that were a phenomenon like no other, that resonated for years and years, that taught us, that changed the game/changed movie making, that were the most important in their genre, that bended genres, that combined many genres. These movies rise to the top. They are, in my opinion, THE best representations of American films of their respective decade. And, we're going to start with the...
1970s. Some of my personal favorite from this decade are TAXI DRIVER, CHINATOWN, THE FRENCH CONNECTION, APOCALYPSE NOW, FIVE EASY PIECES, JAWS, THE JERK, ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, ROCKY and NETWORK. But, to me, this decade was the easiest decision of all. The winners go to:
THE GODFATHER. Family, crime, power and ethics. This is considered one of the greatest films of all time. It clocks in at around three hours, but you just don't feel it when watching. It's a blink of an eye because it's so good. Not only does it have some of cinemas greatest moments - Brando's voice and cheeks, "Leave the gun, take the cannoli", Luca Brasi's rehearsal, some of the greatest actors ever and the biggest cast - it's a film that gets better as the years pass. But, if you think this is an easy decision, this next one is the easiest for the whole list.
STAR WARS: EPISODE IV - A NEW HOPE. Every man, woman and child on this planet knows about this movie. And, every alien on every other planet should know about this movie. There are Star Wars nerds that go a little too far wit this movie, but I'm one of them. If you disagree with this pick, you're crazy... and, I'll take my lightsaber and cut off your hand a la Darth Vader and Luke. Yes. I really have a lightsaber. I love my lightsaber. Am I allowed to write 'lightsaber'?
1980s. Except for the greed, the 1980s ruled! And, this might have been the toughest decade from which to choose just two movies. There are so many greats like VACATION, CHRISTMAS VACATION, THE BREAKFAST CLUB, CONAN THE BARBARIAN, RAGING BULL, E.T., FIELD OF DREAMS, BATMAN, TERMINATOR, GHOSTBUSTERS, BEVERLY HILLS COP, TOP GUN and TOOTSIE. But, again, these two movies rose to the top, starting with...
BACK TO THE FUTURE. This movie combines the best elements of comedy, science fiction, action and adventure. And, it brought us some of cinema's best characters: Biff Tannen, Dr. Emmett "Doc" Brown, and the McFly family - Lorraine, George and of course, "Marty!" You're supposed to say "Marty!" like Doc does. I don't think I've ever not said "Marty!" the way Doc does. If I see a person named "Marty!" in real life I'll say "Marty!" in my head or I'll actually say "Marty!" directly to him. Then, I'll recoil in embarrassing shame because I'll remember that BACK TO THE FUTURE was so huge that everyone calls "Marty!" "Marty!" to his face. Oh, well. All in good fun.
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. Is there another cinema character that you'd rather BE? Indiana Jones is, I think, the greatest character in the history of film. The coolest. The best. I want to be him. I really don't understand those of you who didn't enjoy INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL. It was Indiana Jones doing things. Who cares what he's doing? I always say this, but Indiana Jones could walk down the street for two hours in the next film - we'll call it INDIANA JONES AND THE LONGEST STREET EVER - and I'll be first in line and it'll probably be one of the year's best.
1990s. The most difficult of all the decades to choose two. There are really some great films from the 90s. Truly great ones like GOODFELLAS, MISERY, PRETTY WOMAN, SCHINDLER'S LIST, THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, PHILADELPHIA, THELMA & LOUISE, UNFORGIVEN, THE FUGITIVE, THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION, THE MATRIX, PULP FICTION (which was #3, just barely missing out), LEAVING LAS VEGAS, THE USUAL SUSPECTS, BRAVEHEART, JERRY MAGUIRE (my favorite movie ever), FARGO, THE BIG LEBOWSKI, AMERICAN BEAUTY, THE SIXTH SENSE, and 1997's joke of a year that included TITANIC, AS GOOD AS IT GETS, L.A. CONFIDENTIAL and GOOD WILL HUNTING all up for Best Picture. But, these two make the space capsule. You'll see...
JURASSIC PARK. Does anyone remember being in the theater when the T-Rex screams for the first time? Or, did you lose partial hearing and become somewhat numb to your surroundings, only able to watch the rest of JURASSIC PARK in awe (and fear) like the rest of the moviegoers? A lot of people forget this film. But, I'll guarantee a lot of kids didn't forget this film. It was a global sensation when it came out, racing up the box office charts, but more importantly, it made science and dinosaurs cool and it went beyond the screen - it was a tool of teaching. SAVING PRIVATE RYAN taught us about World War II and SCHINDLER'S LIST felt horrifyingly real, but I want to send a message of hope and greatness to the aliens of this universe and beyond. I want to show the best of America and the world, not our mistakes. Plus, I want to scare the shit out of some aliens - they'll think that Velociraptors are running around town like normal.
FORREST GUMP. This picture combines all the elements of film better than any other film in history. It's too funny to be a drama. It's too sad to be a comedy. It's perfect. The story sends us through some of the most important decades in America's (and the world's) history. And, it does it along side of one of cinema's most interesting characters, Forrest. "Stupid is as stupid does." Forrest Gump is only stupid by modern, accepted, lazy standards. He's a great son, friend, husband and father. In that respect, he was brilliant.
2000s. Some might disagree, but I think the 00s haven't been all that great when it comes to excellent films... compared to the other decades. But, there have been some fantastic films. THE DEPARTED, GLADIATOR, THE DARK KNIGHT, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, SPIDER-MAN, all the LORD OF THE RINGS movies, the HARRY POTTER movies, all the comic book movies, the BOURNE movies, all the CGI movies... a lot of big spectacle films, and tiny indies like SIDEWAYS, ADAPTATION, MONSTER, LOST IN TRANSLATION, BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, THERE WILL BE BLOOD and THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND. But, let's take a look at the space capsule winners.
FINDING NEMO. The best of all the CGI movies, and Pixar's darling, this picture did what computer graphics wizards thought could never be done - the bulk of the movie takes place UNDER WATER. These Disney animations are at the pinnacle of filmmaking. They're comedies, dramas, adventures, action - they're stories about friendship and family, and all of them are classic. TOY STORY, MONSTERS INC., CARS, RATATOUILLE... they're masterwork. And, FINDING NEMO sits at the top of the list. The nice aliens will need to see America's big, generous heart. They need to see that we're good people, that we care for one another. And, this film will show them that.
FAHRENHEIT 9/11. "The temperature at which freedom burns." Politics aside, this film is the most important documentary ever made, and the most-seen, although some argue how much of a documentary it is. That's beside the point. This film is the ultimate epitome of the First Amendment to the United States Constitution. There's nothing more uniquely American than the ability to not only question your government, but charge your government and it's powerful members, including the President. In some countries, if you challenged the government in film, they'd kill you. Just recently, comedian Zarganar was sent to prison for 45 years for criticizing Myanmar's government's slow relief response for the cyclone victims. 45 years! He didn't make a film that twenty million people saw (in the theater alone) and call the President a war criminal. That's scary. But, in America, we can freely express our feelings and thoughts about anything through art, and we're protected by the land's highest law. The aliens need to know this, see this, experience this. Then, and only then, will they know what American films are and can be.
So, in celebration of this list, please write to me and tell me how wrong I am. Tell me the films you choose for each decade. And, convince me I'm wrong... even though it's impossible. Remember, I'm Wright All The Time, even when I want to be Indiana Jones. Enjoy the list! Write to me! Happy Thanksgiving!
