The most important topic in the world right now is not the economy. It's not terrorism. It's not the humanitarian crisis in Darfur. It's certainly not the problems in America's educational system. It's not crime in our major cities. It's not the environment, although we'll probably need to fix it one of these days. It's sure as hell not healthcare. It's not Iraq. It's not high taxes. It's not Brad and Angelina and Jennifer Aniston's bubbling war of words ... which is the most important to ME, but I don't always speak for the majority. No. It's not any of these. None of these issues should worry you or have you anxious or make you nervous. What you should be concerned with is this:
What's a better vacation spot - Jamaica or Hawaii?
That's all that really matters. Trust me. It's a serious issue. Very delicate. Needs proper handling. A magician's touch. Just the right amount of care and understanding. Oh, yeah. Nice and easy. Gentle. Or else we'll all rue the day.
So, let's explore the similarities and differences of these two exotic locales so that tomorrow, when we wake up, maybe we'll feel a little bit better, a little more confident, a little more like we 'get it.' Let's break it down into a couple different categories for comparison, starting with:
BEACHES - Both are islands or a chain of islands that have miles upon miles of vast beaches. White sand. Black sand. Mixed-grains of sand. Lots of palm trees on both. And, lots of clear blue warm water. The major difference is that in Hawaii, you'll look around and see a million tourists and in Jamaica, you'll look around and see a million minus one. Winner = JAMAICA.
LOCALS - This boils down to what you want to hear every two seconds on your seven day vacation - 'aiyree' or 'bra'. 'Aiyree' translates to 'all right', whereas 'bra' translates to bro. I'll use them both in a sentence. -I just lost all my luggage and my traveler's checks, and I think I have salmonella poisoning, but I'm in Jamaica, so every little thing is aiyree.- AND -Hey, bra. How's it going, bra? What are you doing, bra? Going surfing today, bra? No... bra. Bra? Bra.- Winner = TIE.
FOOD - Oh, boy. This is a tough one. In Jamaica, you'll be served fried plantains and jerk chicken. Oh... my mouth is watering already. But, in Hawaii, you can go to a luau and eat slow cooked pork, or you can find a dive and eat loco moco - white rice, two hamburger patties, two fried eggs and gravy. This is one of my favorite things. So... Winner = HAWAII.
So, the clear winner of this competition is...
MEXICO. Hundreds of miles of beaches, the locals are Mexican, and you cannot find better food than authentic tacos, burritos, tostadas, gorditas, tortas and sopes. I tricked you, didn't I? You thought I had to limit myself to the two choices that I first presented, but then I went with the one that wasn't on the list which was Mexico and your head starting spinning and then you...
After now knowing the correct answer, you all can go on living a wonderful life. Don't let the so-called problems of the world affect you and the way you do things. They aren't problems, anyway. They're made up by 'the man' so we will shut up and obey. Got that?!
