What are you most scared of? Me? I fear spiders. Nile crocodiles. Cuba Road. Do you believe in ghosts? Are you afraid of ghouls? Goblins? Republicans? Spirits? Hauntings? Witches? Getting lost in Walmart? Men over seven feet? Bloody band-aids in public swimming pools? Long hairs in public swimming pools? College sports fans? Monsters? Aliens? Cockroaches? Polar bears? Scorpions? Nose whistling? Being homeless? Gas station cologne? Elves? Demons? The devil? The dark? The night? The unknown? What really, really spooks you?
I want to know. So, please write. Comment. Let me know what gets you going. I'd love to hear. Oh, yeah...
Happy Halloween, everyone! It's already mid-fall, getting chilly (not so much in Los Angeles, but...), and Halloween is tomorrow, or today depending on when you read this. A lot of people are going to kick ass Halloween parties where everyone dresses up and pretends to like each other's costumes... and each other. But, I know that some of you waited until last minute to shop for a costume and time has run out, so I have some ideas...
This one is for women only. Go to Walgreens, CVS or any drug store or grocery store and buy a pair of rectangle framed glasses. Put those glasses on, ladies. Then, tear through your closet and find your most expensive clothes, preferably designer clothes - Dolce & Gabbana, Prada, anything purchased at Barney's New York - and put those on. Then, blow dry your hair and style it just right. Put on some nice earrings and lipstick and head out the door. What are you going as? No. Not Sarah Palin. You're going as CLAIR HUXTABLE... when she has a really important case (she was an attorney, remember?). But, remember to help Theo with his dyslexia.
This one is for men and women. Go to the grocery store and ask for a paper bag. When you get home, poke two holes in the paper bag so you can see out of it. Put the paper bag on your head. And, go out. What are you going as? No, not the Unknown Comic from The Gong Show. You're going as THE UGLIEST MAN ALIVE or THE UGLIEST WOMAN ALIVE. But, Brian, beauty is on the inside. I know, I know. I'm sorry. Will you ever forgive me? Remember to recycle the paper bag on Nov. 1.
This one is for men only. Go to the grocery store and ask for a paper bag. When you get home, fill the paper bag with a smaller bag of water. And, go out. What are you going as? A DOUCHE BAG. PS - Most guys don't have to even bother with the bag or water. Just go out in your normal clothes, act how you normally act, and bam!, you'll win best costume.
Ah... Halloween. It brings out the worst in all of us. But, in a good way. So, I want to leave you with a Halloween riddle:
What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon?
