In 2006, I had the very fortunate and extremely lucky chance to attend Super Bowl XL. I stayed for only half of the game because I verbally sparred with a yuppie assface who sat behind me. There wasn't a problem the entire first half, but when The Rolling Stones hit the stage for the Half-Time Show, the part of me that dances when great classic rock comes on came alive. And, I danced. Or shook. Or stood and boogied.
Well, I guess you're not supposed to stand when watching The Stones. No. You supposed to be an old, crusty douche bag who sits there with his legs crossed and take in one of the greatest bands of all-time with a chip on your shoulder. I was wrong (even though the title of this blog states otherwise) and I learned my lesson.
I don't know. Maybe if I could do it over, I would've just sat and enjoyed the songs with a satisfied grin on my face, holding back every instinct to move during music. I guess. As I grow older and (hopefully) wiser, I grow less and less likely to start shit. Even though I really didn't start anything. But, you get my point. I think great tunes qualify someone to at least bob their head. But, I'll abide.
So, with the exception of the white-collar-cunt run-in, the Super Bowl is one of the greatest events to attend. It's not just the game, it's the pre-parties and events surrounding the game. It's great for couples, friends, family - it's perfect for a day of celebration.
Which leads to this Sunday's Super Bowl. Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Arizona Cardinals. Defense vs. Offense. Big Ben vs. Kurt Warner (Sorry, no cool nicknames for the biggest dork in the NFL). Here's my prediction:
Steelers 31 Cardinals 20
Big Ben wins Super Bowl MVP in a redemption of XL's 2 INTs. He passes for 250 yards and 2 TDs, no picks, plays perfect ball. Kurt Warner will finally nose dive this year and fall flat on his face. He'll throw a couple interceptions, and run his team into the ground.
Happy betting! And, I'll see everyone on the Monday drag. Good day.
PS - As you might be able to guess, I don't like Kurt Warner. I usually like all decent or good players. I know he put up exceptional numbers this year, but I don't like him. It's not that I don't like him, I just think he's silly (Thanks, Travis Bickle). I don't like his butch cut wife. I don't like the glove on his throwing hand. Am I alone? Does anyone feel the same?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Git-NO-Mo
Gitmo. No more. In one year's time, the infamous prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba will close, indefinitely, therefore thrusting America back on the road to the world's perception of redemption. Barack Obama, on his second day as the President of the United States, signed an executive order issuing this decision. It was a bold move in the first 48 hours of his presidency, but a move that must build confidence in any of his detractors and naysayers. It's a small clue showing that he is more substance than style... that he will carry out the promises on the campaign trail, or try very hard to.
In addition to the Gitmo order, he also signed rules on lobbying, government ethics and transparency. Change, anyone? I think so. So, Obama is actually doing what he said he would do? Is this really possible? Obviously, it's too early to tell, but these are major steps in the right direction to really making a difference in American politics. Most of all, with these early moves, he's setting the bar very high for himself, but also future politicians.
So, with this week's post, I want to ask you a question. What should be the next priority for the Obama team? Should he get moving on the environment next? Should he take immediate/drastic measures to fix the economy? Obviously, a president can do more than one thing at a time, so what are his priorities? What's next?
On a side note with some similarities, has anyone heard about the Morgan Freeman documentary (PROM NIGHT IN MISSISSIPPI) about segregated proms? This is a very interesting story. Eleven years ago, Morgan Freeman heard about a high school in his home state that had a segregated prom - one black prom, one white prom. So, he offered to pay for a joined prom. It was met with much resistance, as over a decade passed before the school decided to accept his idea. When I first read about this, I was amazed that there's that much insanity going on. I know it's the South, but come on! It's 2009 in the South. We've passed most movies' idea of the future - 2001: A Space Odyssey, in THE TERMINATOR films, judgment day is in 1997, and I forget when DEMOLITION MAN takes place, but it's right around now.
So, my question here is this: What can we do on a daily basis to rid the country (then world) of racism? Knowledge is power. So, do whites have to learn more about black and African history? Should there be a weekly public discussion or TV show that talks about the roots of race problems? Should there be more or harsher bigotry laws? Should we all hold hands and sing sweet loves songs until we're so slap happy we couldn't care less if our neighbor was green? Or, does everyone just not care? My main concern is that racism stunts the growth of a nation. One of my main goals is to rid the world of any and all ignorance. So, I'm invested in this on a moral level. Plus, I'm a new parent. And, these are the things I think about when looking at my son's future. I want him to see the world and people in bright, exciting, unique and interesting colors. Not black and white... unless he's watching a really good film.
Not very many jokes in today's post. Chris Rock was right - it's hard to make Obama jokes. You can't really make Michael Jordan jokes, either. It's hard to be funny about excellence and brilliance. But, I do apologize. I'll try and be funny next week.
In addition to the Gitmo order, he also signed rules on lobbying, government ethics and transparency. Change, anyone? I think so. So, Obama is actually doing what he said he would do? Is this really possible? Obviously, it's too early to tell, but these are major steps in the right direction to really making a difference in American politics. Most of all, with these early moves, he's setting the bar very high for himself, but also future politicians.
So, with this week's post, I want to ask you a question. What should be the next priority for the Obama team? Should he get moving on the environment next? Should he take immediate/drastic measures to fix the economy? Obviously, a president can do more than one thing at a time, so what are his priorities? What's next?
On a side note with some similarities, has anyone heard about the Morgan Freeman documentary (PROM NIGHT IN MISSISSIPPI) about segregated proms? This is a very interesting story. Eleven years ago, Morgan Freeman heard about a high school in his home state that had a segregated prom - one black prom, one white prom. So, he offered to pay for a joined prom. It was met with much resistance, as over a decade passed before the school decided to accept his idea. When I first read about this, I was amazed that there's that much insanity going on. I know it's the South, but come on! It's 2009 in the South. We've passed most movies' idea of the future - 2001: A Space Odyssey, in THE TERMINATOR films, judgment day is in 1997, and I forget when DEMOLITION MAN takes place, but it's right around now.
So, my question here is this: What can we do on a daily basis to rid the country (then world) of racism? Knowledge is power. So, do whites have to learn more about black and African history? Should there be a weekly public discussion or TV show that talks about the roots of race problems? Should there be more or harsher bigotry laws? Should we all hold hands and sing sweet loves songs until we're so slap happy we couldn't care less if our neighbor was green? Or, does everyone just not care? My main concern is that racism stunts the growth of a nation. One of my main goals is to rid the world of any and all ignorance. So, I'm invested in this on a moral level. Plus, I'm a new parent. And, these are the things I think about when looking at my son's future. I want him to see the world and people in bright, exciting, unique and interesting colors. Not black and white... unless he's watching a really good film.
Not very many jokes in today's post. Chris Rock was right - it's hard to make Obama jokes. You can't really make Michael Jordan jokes, either. It's hard to be funny about excellence and brilliance. But, I do apologize. I'll try and be funny next week.
Friday, January 16, 2009
2008 - Year of Movies
The movies of 2008 were the best that I can remember. Much like the NBA's 2003 Draft, this year had a slew of Oscar movies that were some of the best in recent history. And, the rest of the year brought some of the great popcorn flicks of this decade. This is somewhat of a follow-up to an earlier post. The 2000s were tough to nail down because there weren't many standouts. But, 2008 brought us some of the best. So, officially, the 2000s have arrived. Now, 2009 has to finish us off and send us into a great teens. Huh? Teens? Yeah. That's right. Good, Very Good or Great movies of 2008 (in reverse box-office order):
GONZO: THE LIFE WORK OF HUNTER S. THOMPSON (Great) - If you like HST's work or story, you'll love this documentary. It's an inside to this guy's mad life. And, it explores the mind of one of the best writers ever.
THE READER (Good) - Kate Winslet is proving that she's her generation's best actress.
SHINE A LIGHT (Great) - I saw this at Hollywood ArcLight's Dome. And, if you've ever visited this theater, you know that it's an experience in itself. Pile on Martin Scorsese's look at a Rolling Stones charity concert in New York and it's unforgettable.
FROST/NIXON (Very Good) - Thrilling, captivating, exciting... interview. Yes. Powerhouse performances by Frank Langella and Michael Sheen make this Ron Howard flick a must-see. And, any movie with Sam Rockwell is worth watching.
MAN ON WIRE (Great) - One of the top docs of the year, this picture explores the man who walked the tight rope between the World Trade Center Towers.
THE WRESTLER (Great) - This is one of my favorite movies of the year. Mickey Rourke gives one of the year's best performances. It's just heartbreaking in every way. Darren Aronofsky is four for four.
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (Great) - THERE WILL BE BLOOD was 2007's perfect film. This is 2008's. It won't win any awards for Best Picture, but it's the most perfect. Every shot, line of dialogue, performance, etc is pitch perfect - thank you, Sam Mendes. If Sean Penn didn't give an acting lesson in MILK, Leo would win the Oscar. Turns out that we'll have to settle for Kate Winslet deservedly winning Best Actress.
RACHEL GETTING MARRIED (Good) - Jonathon Demme directs this Anne Hathaway starrer. She was up for a Golden Globe and will be up for an Oscar.
BE KIND REWIND (Good) - This was a much missed movie by mainstream audiences, but it's references to 80s greats and stellar comedic performances by leads Jack Black and Mos Def make the movie. Danny Glover and Mia Farrow also deliver.
RELIGULOUS (Great) - The best documentary of the year, this Bill Maher collaboration with genius mind Larry Charles resulted in a hilarious review of modern religion. Kudos to Maher for tackling the most taboo of subjects.
GHOST TOWN (Good) - Spielberg's go-to writer David Koepp directed this Ricky Gervais vehicle. Here's a rule of cinema: Any movie starring Greg Kinnear will probably be at least watchable, if not good because of his performance alone.
PRIDE AND GLORY (Good) - When you pit Colin Farrell against Edward Norton, you're going to get a good movie. These are two of the finest actors around.
MILK (Great) - Sean Penn gives the year's best performance in this Harvey Milk bio-pic helmed by the great Gus Van Sant. Every actor is at the top of his game in this wonderful masterpiece. It's a shame that the picture isn't being rewarded more. This is an important movie. And, I think it's the best movie of the year.
DOUBT (Great) - I just stepped out of this film less that twelve hours ago. It's a powerhouse that leaves you breathless. Let me give you a little insider's secret... Amy Adams gives as good of a performance as Meryl Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman. She's a little warrior.
VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA (Very Good) - Woody Allen is like fine wine - he's getting better with age. Really. I like most of his earlier work that I've seen. But, he's turned it up in the last five years.
TRAITOR (Good) - Another insider's secret: Don Cheadle is the greatest American actor. Go to IMDB, look at his movie list, and just start renting his filmography. He always gives a stand-out performance and he usually saves the movie.
W. (Good) - Oliver Stone as a humorist. Josh Brolin is making his comeback. Or made his comeback this year. This is just a fun look at our goofiest president. I just wish they had the shoe-throwing incident in there. Man, that was funny.
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (Great) - This might be the most refreshing movie of 2008 because of Danny Boyle's fun direction and all the unknown actors are superb. Best Picture? Maybe. It has the most momentum. And, it's so unique.
THE BANK JOB (Good) - Jason Statham has a formula now. He's the go-to guy for these $15 million productions that make their money back and then some. He might be Hollywood's safest bet in that regard.
LEATHERHEADS (Good) - I don't understand the harsh critiques of this fun movie. What's wrong with some of these fat-assed, bitter reviewers? This movie is a romp and the leads (Clooney, Zellweger, Krasinski) give loose, entertaining performances.
ZACH AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO (Great) - I think this is Kevin Smith's funniest movie. Seth Rogen is a great. And, everything that Craig Robinson says is hilarious.
NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST (Good) - Michael Cera is a breath of fresh air. He doesn't have six-pack abs. He's not a traditional leading man, yet he's one of Hollywood's best.
DEFINITELY, MAYBE (Good) - You have to judge movies for what they are. This is a harmless romantic comedy that delivered. Ryan Reynolds gives you Ryan Reynolds every time. And, that's a good thing.
THE LOVE GURU (Good) - I don't get it. This is on everyone's Worst List of 2008. If you like Austin Powers, how can you not like THE LOVE GURU? It's Mike Myers, people. He's funny. This isn't a great movie, but it's funny. And, it doesn't and shouldn't offend anyone. It doesn't make fun of Indians. It makes fun of everyone. Suck it up! Man! Relax!
SEMI-PRO (Good) - This is similar to THE LOVE GURU. DO you like Will Ferrell? If the answer is 'yes', then you'll laugh hysterically at this really funny basketball movie. If not, go fuck yourself.
CHANGELING (Very Good) - Angelina Jolie is the biggest victim of the bullshit media hype. Her performances suffer because of the constant exposure in the tabloids. And, that's a shame because she's really good in this. Oh, and did I mention that Clint Eastwood directed this? He's one of the best auteurs in cinemas roughly hundred years.
GRAN TORINO (Very Good) - Did I mention that Clint Eastwood is one of the best directors, actors, scorers, everything ever? He is. This one is one of his best.
BODY OF LIES (Great) - Why didn't people go see this Leo movie? It's amazing. Action, romance, thrills, explosions, Leo. Ridley Scott directed. It was the most overlooked of this year. I don't get it. I'll guarantee this one.
RAMBO (Good) - John Rambo is back. Sylvester Stallone proves that he's still relevant in cinema. I think everyone can agree the best part of the movie is when Rambo shreds about a thousand people with a truck-mounted machine gun. And, I love peace. I hate war... in real life. But, in movies, I want to see blood and guts... and I want to see evil Burmese men cut in half.
SPEED RACER (Good) - Another one of the movies this year that got a bum rap because of people's expectations. This is a kid's movie. The problem is that eight year old's can't drive to the theater and see movies alone. If they could, this would be one of the year's top box office successes.
BABY MAMA (Very Good) - I'll be the trillionth person in the world applauding Tina Fey. She's great. She's brilliant. Okay. But, her best move yet was to cast Steve Martin as her green-world boss.
BURN AFTER READING (Great) - In the tone of THE BIG LEBOWSKI, this Coen Bros flick is a wild one. Brad Pitt actually followed my friend Frank for a month for research for the role. And, John Malkovich is back! Yes!
VALKYRIE (Great) - Bryan Singer brings his fascination with Nazis into Tom Cruise's arena. The result: a gripping thriller and history lesson rolled into one. Tom Cruise, people. He's still one of the best. Don't you forget it!
FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (Very Good) - Jason Segel is the new face of comedy. He's a big, oafish man (much like me) who isn't afraid of showing his penis on-screen for laughs.
ROLE MODELS (Good) - Paul Rudd is one of those actors that's been around for a long time, and he's played a crucial part in some great movies. Finally, he gets a big budget comedy to lead. And, he delivers.
HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY (Good) - Guillermo Del Toro has a wonderfully unique way of seeing the world. And, I love how he shares it with us with interesting films.
27 DRESSES (Good) - Another rom-com that's formula, but it's fine. Sometimes we need a romantic comedy to break up the killing and war movies. James Marsden and Katherine Heigl are fantastic.
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (Very Good) - The story stands alone in terms of utter originality. Brad Pitt is starting to give more and more grown-up roles. What do I mean by that? I think he's a big kid who's played on-screen for the past twenty years. It's not a bad thing. That was his charm. But, when he did JESSE JAMES, he found a stillness and attitude that marked his graduation. He plays in BENJAMIN BUTTON, but he mixes that with subtle nuances. He's getting there. If he figures it out soon, he'll be the world's best actor.
YES MAN (Very Good) - Jim Carrey is the funniest film actor today. He's an idea man who gets it right with every comedy he makes. YES MAN is another brilliant performance in a long line of great comedies.
CLOVERFIELD (Very Good) - At first, I rebelled against this well-marketed hype machine. But, it was really good. Oh, I forgot to mention that I don't get motion sickness in movies. Why? Because I realize I'm watching a movie.
PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (Very Good) - One of the year's funniest, Seth Rogen and James Franco make a perfect match in this weed smoking movie. Franco is actually the best part of this pic, nailing the role of stoner that Sean Penn introduced twenty-five years before in FAST TIMES.
STEP BROTHERS (Very Good) - Maybe the year's funniest, this dumb ass movie (in a good way) was hilarious is so many different ways. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly are crazy. I'll take credit for the poster. My wife and I did a similar portrait as a gag gift for Christmas in 2006.
EAGLE EYE (Good) - Another one that critics panned because of it's 'preposterous story.' I guess most critics couldn't believe that a super-computer could be the bad guy pulling strings of chaos. No way. In TERMINATOR it can work, but not in this fun Shia LaBeouf picture. Critics... shut up!
BOLT (Good) - Disney. Pixar. Need I say more? It's the most proven formula in movies.
TROPIC THUNDER (Good) - Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey, Jr. pack this action-comedy with laughs. "I'm the dude, playin' the dude disguised as another dude."
GET SMART (Good) - Fun. Funny. Stupid... in a good way. I love movies, so I'm going to like a movie that's all of those things. I enjoy a breezy movie, and that's exactly what this is.
WANTED (Very Good) - I hate shoot-'em-ups. I'm tired of the jumping through the air and shooting two guns routine. But, WANTED did it better than any other with the best cast you could possibly assemble.
THE INCREDIBLE HULK (Good) - Another one I don't really understand. How could you like this movie and not like the Eric Bana/Ang Lee version. They're almost exactly the same! They both have a big green monster doing crazy smashy things. Ed Norton is good. So was Eric Bana. Good. Great. Wonderful. No yelling on the bus!
MAMMA MIA! (Good) - Who is this newcomer Meryl Streep? She's good. She's going to have a long career in Hollywood. I'll guarantee it.
SEX AND THE CITY (Great) - Any fan of the show will tell you that this movie went way beyond not disappointing. It was perfect for the superfan. The girls were back. And, I can't wait for the sequel. These are really great characters.
HORTON HEARS A WHO (Good) - It wasn't bad enough to keep off this list. I didn't love it, but it was entertaining. Jim Carrey's and Steve Carrell's voice make the movie watchable.
QUANTUM OF SOLACE (Very Good) - This follow-up to CASINO ROYALE didn't disappoint. Daniel Craig was in top Bond form as the revenge seeking, rogue MI:6 agent. If you like Bond films, you should like this one.
WALL*E (Great) - Maybe the year's best picture. I think this film should be up for Best Picture at the Academy Awards. It's that good. It's arguably the best Pixar movie. It's definitely the sweetest movie of the year.
HANCOCK (Good) - Will Smith summer movie = good. He's great as the lazy, boozing superhero. I wish I was a lazy, boozing superhero.
INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL (Great) - I've said it before and I'll say it again. They could make the next Indiana Jones movie about Indiana Jones taking a two-hour walk, and I'll be first in line and I'll love it. So, I'm biased. Okay. Come on! Indiana Jones whip cracking, diving, punching, smirking. It's ultimate escapism.
IRON MAN (Great) - One of the best comic book movies ever. This is just a wild ride for two hours. The Tony Stark character is fun and affable, and Robert Downey, Jr. is a real treat as the center of this movie. The action is fantastic, but the relationship between Gwyneth Paltrow and Downey is what makes this movie better than the others. They have fun and trade witty banter for the duration.
THE DARK KNIGHT (Great) - The phenomenon of the year. One of the biggest movies of all-time. The most anticipated film in years. And, like LeBron James, it exceeds every great expectation. This film is actually brilliant as art, not just popcorn fare. It's truly a masterpiece of cinema. Heath Ledger is wonderful, but so are Christian Bale and Aaron Eckhart and Morgan Freeman. Everyone, really. It's just one of those special films that seems to have a life of it's own.
I love movies. I wish I could make them for a living. For now, I'll watch as many as possible and learn, learn and learn. And, 2008 taught me a lot. This is one of the best years of movies ever.
GONZO: THE LIFE WORK OF HUNTER S. THOMPSON (Great) - If you like HST's work or story, you'll love this documentary. It's an inside to this guy's mad life. And, it explores the mind of one of the best writers ever.
THE READER (Good) - Kate Winslet is proving that she's her generation's best actress.
SHINE A LIGHT (Great) - I saw this at Hollywood ArcLight's Dome. And, if you've ever visited this theater, you know that it's an experience in itself. Pile on Martin Scorsese's look at a Rolling Stones charity concert in New York and it's unforgettable.
FROST/NIXON (Very Good) - Thrilling, captivating, exciting... interview. Yes. Powerhouse performances by Frank Langella and Michael Sheen make this Ron Howard flick a must-see. And, any movie with Sam Rockwell is worth watching.
MAN ON WIRE (Great) - One of the top docs of the year, this picture explores the man who walked the tight rope between the World Trade Center Towers.
THE WRESTLER (Great) - This is one of my favorite movies of the year. Mickey Rourke gives one of the year's best performances. It's just heartbreaking in every way. Darren Aronofsky is four for four.
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (Great) - THERE WILL BE BLOOD was 2007's perfect film. This is 2008's. It won't win any awards for Best Picture, but it's the most perfect. Every shot, line of dialogue, performance, etc is pitch perfect - thank you, Sam Mendes. If Sean Penn didn't give an acting lesson in MILK, Leo would win the Oscar. Turns out that we'll have to settle for Kate Winslet deservedly winning Best Actress.
RACHEL GETTING MARRIED (Good) - Jonathon Demme directs this Anne Hathaway starrer. She was up for a Golden Globe and will be up for an Oscar.
BE KIND REWIND (Good) - This was a much missed movie by mainstream audiences, but it's references to 80s greats and stellar comedic performances by leads Jack Black and Mos Def make the movie. Danny Glover and Mia Farrow also deliver.
RELIGULOUS (Great) - The best documentary of the year, this Bill Maher collaboration with genius mind Larry Charles resulted in a hilarious review of modern religion. Kudos to Maher for tackling the most taboo of subjects.
GHOST TOWN (Good) - Spielberg's go-to writer David Koepp directed this Ricky Gervais vehicle. Here's a rule of cinema: Any movie starring Greg Kinnear will probably be at least watchable, if not good because of his performance alone.
PRIDE AND GLORY (Good) - When you pit Colin Farrell against Edward Norton, you're going to get a good movie. These are two of the finest actors around.
MILK (Great) - Sean Penn gives the year's best performance in this Harvey Milk bio-pic helmed by the great Gus Van Sant. Every actor is at the top of his game in this wonderful masterpiece. It's a shame that the picture isn't being rewarded more. This is an important movie. And, I think it's the best movie of the year.
DOUBT (Great) - I just stepped out of this film less that twelve hours ago. It's a powerhouse that leaves you breathless. Let me give you a little insider's secret... Amy Adams gives as good of a performance as Meryl Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman. She's a little warrior.
VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA (Very Good) - Woody Allen is like fine wine - he's getting better with age. Really. I like most of his earlier work that I've seen. But, he's turned it up in the last five years.
TRAITOR (Good) - Another insider's secret: Don Cheadle is the greatest American actor. Go to IMDB, look at his movie list, and just start renting his filmography. He always gives a stand-out performance and he usually saves the movie.
W. (Good) - Oliver Stone as a humorist. Josh Brolin is making his comeback. Or made his comeback this year. This is just a fun look at our goofiest president. I just wish they had the shoe-throwing incident in there. Man, that was funny.
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (Great) - This might be the most refreshing movie of 2008 because of Danny Boyle's fun direction and all the unknown actors are superb. Best Picture? Maybe. It has the most momentum. And, it's so unique.
THE BANK JOB (Good) - Jason Statham has a formula now. He's the go-to guy for these $15 million productions that make their money back and then some. He might be Hollywood's safest bet in that regard.
LEATHERHEADS (Good) - I don't understand the harsh critiques of this fun movie. What's wrong with some of these fat-assed, bitter reviewers? This movie is a romp and the leads (Clooney, Zellweger, Krasinski) give loose, entertaining performances.
ZACH AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO (Great) - I think this is Kevin Smith's funniest movie. Seth Rogen is a great. And, everything that Craig Robinson says is hilarious.
NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST (Good) - Michael Cera is a breath of fresh air. He doesn't have six-pack abs. He's not a traditional leading man, yet he's one of Hollywood's best.
DEFINITELY, MAYBE (Good) - You have to judge movies for what they are. This is a harmless romantic comedy that delivered. Ryan Reynolds gives you Ryan Reynolds every time. And, that's a good thing.
THE LOVE GURU (Good) - I don't get it. This is on everyone's Worst List of 2008. If you like Austin Powers, how can you not like THE LOVE GURU? It's Mike Myers, people. He's funny. This isn't a great movie, but it's funny. And, it doesn't and shouldn't offend anyone. It doesn't make fun of Indians. It makes fun of everyone. Suck it up! Man! Relax!
SEMI-PRO (Good) - This is similar to THE LOVE GURU. DO you like Will Ferrell? If the answer is 'yes', then you'll laugh hysterically at this really funny basketball movie. If not, go fuck yourself.
CHANGELING (Very Good) - Angelina Jolie is the biggest victim of the bullshit media hype. Her performances suffer because of the constant exposure in the tabloids. And, that's a shame because she's really good in this. Oh, and did I mention that Clint Eastwood directed this? He's one of the best auteurs in cinemas roughly hundred years.
GRAN TORINO (Very Good) - Did I mention that Clint Eastwood is one of the best directors, actors, scorers, everything ever? He is. This one is one of his best.
BODY OF LIES (Great) - Why didn't people go see this Leo movie? It's amazing. Action, romance, thrills, explosions, Leo. Ridley Scott directed. It was the most overlooked of this year. I don't get it. I'll guarantee this one.
RAMBO (Good) - John Rambo is back. Sylvester Stallone proves that he's still relevant in cinema. I think everyone can agree the best part of the movie is when Rambo shreds about a thousand people with a truck-mounted machine gun. And, I love peace. I hate war... in real life. But, in movies, I want to see blood and guts... and I want to see evil Burmese men cut in half.
SPEED RACER (Good) - Another one of the movies this year that got a bum rap because of people's expectations. This is a kid's movie. The problem is that eight year old's can't drive to the theater and see movies alone. If they could, this would be one of the year's top box office successes.
BABY MAMA (Very Good) - I'll be the trillionth person in the world applauding Tina Fey. She's great. She's brilliant. Okay. But, her best move yet was to cast Steve Martin as her green-world boss.
BURN AFTER READING (Great) - In the tone of THE BIG LEBOWSKI, this Coen Bros flick is a wild one. Brad Pitt actually followed my friend Frank for a month for research for the role. And, John Malkovich is back! Yes!
VALKYRIE (Great) - Bryan Singer brings his fascination with Nazis into Tom Cruise's arena. The result: a gripping thriller and history lesson rolled into one. Tom Cruise, people. He's still one of the best. Don't you forget it!
FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (Very Good) - Jason Segel is the new face of comedy. He's a big, oafish man (much like me) who isn't afraid of showing his penis on-screen for laughs.
ROLE MODELS (Good) - Paul Rudd is one of those actors that's been around for a long time, and he's played a crucial part in some great movies. Finally, he gets a big budget comedy to lead. And, he delivers.
HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY (Good) - Guillermo Del Toro has a wonderfully unique way of seeing the world. And, I love how he shares it with us with interesting films.
27 DRESSES (Good) - Another rom-com that's formula, but it's fine. Sometimes we need a romantic comedy to break up the killing and war movies. James Marsden and Katherine Heigl are fantastic.
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (Very Good) - The story stands alone in terms of utter originality. Brad Pitt is starting to give more and more grown-up roles. What do I mean by that? I think he's a big kid who's played on-screen for the past twenty years. It's not a bad thing. That was his charm. But, when he did JESSE JAMES, he found a stillness and attitude that marked his graduation. He plays in BENJAMIN BUTTON, but he mixes that with subtle nuances. He's getting there. If he figures it out soon, he'll be the world's best actor.
YES MAN (Very Good) - Jim Carrey is the funniest film actor today. He's an idea man who gets it right with every comedy he makes. YES MAN is another brilliant performance in a long line of great comedies.
CLOVERFIELD (Very Good) - At first, I rebelled against this well-marketed hype machine. But, it was really good. Oh, I forgot to mention that I don't get motion sickness in movies. Why? Because I realize I'm watching a movie.
PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (Very Good) - One of the year's funniest, Seth Rogen and James Franco make a perfect match in this weed smoking movie. Franco is actually the best part of this pic, nailing the role of stoner that Sean Penn introduced twenty-five years before in FAST TIMES.
STEP BROTHERS (Very Good) - Maybe the year's funniest, this dumb ass movie (in a good way) was hilarious is so many different ways. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly are crazy. I'll take credit for the poster. My wife and I did a similar portrait as a gag gift for Christmas in 2006.
EAGLE EYE (Good) - Another one that critics panned because of it's 'preposterous story.' I guess most critics couldn't believe that a super-computer could be the bad guy pulling strings of chaos. No way. In TERMINATOR it can work, but not in this fun Shia LaBeouf picture. Critics... shut up!
BOLT (Good) - Disney. Pixar. Need I say more? It's the most proven formula in movies.
TROPIC THUNDER (Good) - Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey, Jr. pack this action-comedy with laughs. "I'm the dude, playin' the dude disguised as another dude."
GET SMART (Good) - Fun. Funny. Stupid... in a good way. I love movies, so I'm going to like a movie that's all of those things. I enjoy a breezy movie, and that's exactly what this is.
WANTED (Very Good) - I hate shoot-'em-ups. I'm tired of the jumping through the air and shooting two guns routine. But, WANTED did it better than any other with the best cast you could possibly assemble.
THE INCREDIBLE HULK (Good) - Another one I don't really understand. How could you like this movie and not like the Eric Bana/Ang Lee version. They're almost exactly the same! They both have a big green monster doing crazy smashy things. Ed Norton is good. So was Eric Bana. Good. Great. Wonderful. No yelling on the bus!
MAMMA MIA! (Good) - Who is this newcomer Meryl Streep? She's good. She's going to have a long career in Hollywood. I'll guarantee it.
SEX AND THE CITY (Great) - Any fan of the show will tell you that this movie went way beyond not disappointing. It was perfect for the superfan. The girls were back. And, I can't wait for the sequel. These are really great characters.
HORTON HEARS A WHO (Good) - It wasn't bad enough to keep off this list. I didn't love it, but it was entertaining. Jim Carrey's and Steve Carrell's voice make the movie watchable.
QUANTUM OF SOLACE (Very Good) - This follow-up to CASINO ROYALE didn't disappoint. Daniel Craig was in top Bond form as the revenge seeking, rogue MI:6 agent. If you like Bond films, you should like this one.
WALL*E (Great) - Maybe the year's best picture. I think this film should be up for Best Picture at the Academy Awards. It's that good. It's arguably the best Pixar movie. It's definitely the sweetest movie of the year.
HANCOCK (Good) - Will Smith summer movie = good. He's great as the lazy, boozing superhero. I wish I was a lazy, boozing superhero.
INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL (Great) - I've said it before and I'll say it again. They could make the next Indiana Jones movie about Indiana Jones taking a two-hour walk, and I'll be first in line and I'll love it. So, I'm biased. Okay. Come on! Indiana Jones whip cracking, diving, punching, smirking. It's ultimate escapism.
IRON MAN (Great) - One of the best comic book movies ever. This is just a wild ride for two hours. The Tony Stark character is fun and affable, and Robert Downey, Jr. is a real treat as the center of this movie. The action is fantastic, but the relationship between Gwyneth Paltrow and Downey is what makes this movie better than the others. They have fun and trade witty banter for the duration.
THE DARK KNIGHT (Great) - The phenomenon of the year. One of the biggest movies of all-time. The most anticipated film in years. And, like LeBron James, it exceeds every great expectation. This film is actually brilliant as art, not just popcorn fare. It's truly a masterpiece of cinema. Heath Ledger is wonderful, but so are Christian Bale and Aaron Eckhart and Morgan Freeman. Everyone, really. It's just one of those special films that seems to have a life of it's own.
I love movies. I wish I could make them for a living. For now, I'll watch as many as possible and learn, learn and learn. And, 2008 taught me a lot. This is one of the best years of movies ever.
Friday, January 9, 2009
On A Cold (And Snowy) Winter's Morn
Hello everybody!
I'm back... and I'm feeling good.
I love this land like I knew I would.
Back at home, back into town.
One more time around.
Last time here everything felt wrong.
The tune has changed. A way different song.
The key is to not let it get me down.
One more time around.
I'll try new things, find a place.
I'll look in the mirror and recognize my face.
I'll always keep both feet on the ground.
One more time around.
Will the sun shine the same?
Will sadness bring out the rain?
Will I return to find my sound?
One more time around?
I'll do anything, talk to any being.
No disagreeing with what I'm seeing.
I am the king. I'm going to wear the crown.
One more time around.
Sometimes when you don't have the words, it's better to write a song about it. This is a song I wrote a while back. It's called "One More Time Around." If you ever need a little confidence booster, a nudge that you're doing the right thing in your life, this song is for you. Sometimes it gets choppy out there, and we need a song to come in and give us a helping hand. Okay. There you go. Now, onto a couple of more important things, starting with...
What's with the noises coming out of the bathroom stalls in public restrooms? Why are there so many grunts and exhales and sniffles and stretches? I go in there, expecting to do my business for a minute or so, and I hear some strangers bathroom sounds? Can't all that happen in there without the sound effects? Can't it be a quiet process where he flushes a lot? Man! This is getting out of hand. Is this some sick way to share a private moment with a stranger? Because if it is, it's disgusting. I'm sorry to all my women readers on this one. But, the fellas have to deal with some rough stuff in the restroom. And, I've had it! No more noises! Bite your lip!
Why does Comcast Cable, or all cable companies for that matter, NEVER get it right with A&E Biography? Every single time I'm flipping through the channel menu and I come across A&E Biography, I look to see who's on there. Oh. It's Hugh Jackman. He's a fine actor. Wolverine. From Australia. Maybe I'll plop down in front of this for a minute or two. Then, I select said channel, and it's Robert Downey, Jr.'s biography. Okay. Fine. Good trade. Love Downey. He's great. But, it said Jackman! And, when did A&E Biography turn into TMZ? I want to hear about the essence of the man or woman. Not the latest tabloid fodder. And, why do they only use three pictures? Can't they reach into the archives and get a couple more photos to put on the show? Every single shot has the same photo. Come on!
This is what worries me. This keeps me up at night. Public toilets and A&E Biography. What keeps you up at night? The Boogeyman?
It's great to be back. I hope you all enjoy the weekend. And, I hope one of your New Year's Resolutions wasn't to stop reading this blog. I hope it was to START reading this blog. Either way, here's a sprinkle of peace... followed by a pinch of success... and touch of love... and a dash of honey.
I'm back... and I'm feeling good.
I love this land like I knew I would.
Back at home, back into town.
One more time around.
Last time here everything felt wrong.
The tune has changed. A way different song.
The key is to not let it get me down.
One more time around.
I'll try new things, find a place.
I'll look in the mirror and recognize my face.
I'll always keep both feet on the ground.
One more time around.
Will the sun shine the same?
Will sadness bring out the rain?
Will I return to find my sound?
One more time around?
I'll do anything, talk to any being.
No disagreeing with what I'm seeing.
I am the king. I'm going to wear the crown.
One more time around.
Sometimes when you don't have the words, it's better to write a song about it. This is a song I wrote a while back. It's called "One More Time Around." If you ever need a little confidence booster, a nudge that you're doing the right thing in your life, this song is for you. Sometimes it gets choppy out there, and we need a song to come in and give us a helping hand. Okay. There you go. Now, onto a couple of more important things, starting with...
What's with the noises coming out of the bathroom stalls in public restrooms? Why are there so many grunts and exhales and sniffles and stretches? I go in there, expecting to do my business for a minute or so, and I hear some strangers bathroom sounds? Can't all that happen in there without the sound effects? Can't it be a quiet process where he flushes a lot? Man! This is getting out of hand. Is this some sick way to share a private moment with a stranger? Because if it is, it's disgusting. I'm sorry to all my women readers on this one. But, the fellas have to deal with some rough stuff in the restroom. And, I've had it! No more noises! Bite your lip!
Why does Comcast Cable, or all cable companies for that matter, NEVER get it right with A&E Biography? Every single time I'm flipping through the channel menu and I come across A&E Biography, I look to see who's on there. Oh. It's Hugh Jackman. He's a fine actor. Wolverine. From Australia. Maybe I'll plop down in front of this for a minute or two. Then, I select said channel, and it's Robert Downey, Jr.'s biography. Okay. Fine. Good trade. Love Downey. He's great. But, it said Jackman! And, when did A&E Biography turn into TMZ? I want to hear about the essence of the man or woman. Not the latest tabloid fodder. And, why do they only use three pictures? Can't they reach into the archives and get a couple more photos to put on the show? Every single shot has the same photo. Come on!
This is what worries me. This keeps me up at night. Public toilets and A&E Biography. What keeps you up at night? The Boogeyman?
It's great to be back. I hope you all enjoy the weekend. And, I hope one of your New Year's Resolutions wasn't to stop reading this blog. I hope it was to START reading this blog. Either way, here's a sprinkle of peace... followed by a pinch of success... and touch of love... and a dash of honey.
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